I am defenseless against a chocolate chip cookie.

It's true.  I've lived in war torn countries, I've travelled far and wide and I've dined with movie stars, but put me in a chocolate chip cookie face off, and the cookie's going to win.  I knew even before I went last night that at this 'shmooze' for Children's Book Writers, there are always a slew of tasty treats.

At home, I finished my 'fresh diet' box, had my delicious key lime cheesecake slice, and took off for the meeting.  I felt satisfied and determined not to even look at the treats when I got there.  I planned to grab a bottled water and let the evening begin.  As I sat in the library with a slew of published children's book writers, I hardly glanced at the table, that is until someone brought in girl scout cookies, homemade cupcakes, and my worse poison, baked chocolate chip cookies.  

"No!" I screamed inside.  "You don't want that!"  But then that fragile part of me - the one that questions....am i good enough to be here....do i deserve....came into play and I became ravenous.  I couldn't concentrate on the story what was being read...all I could see now was the cookie..my cookie...waiting, wanting.   It didn't help that I had not brought one of my stories to be critiqued.  No, the truth is, that yesterday my dark side was showing, and that was my first red flag before I even came in contact with my nemesis.

I got on the scale yesterday morning to learn that I had hit the 10 lb. mark!  Yup, 10 lbs. down in one month.  All that work was paying off.  So why sabotage?  As a reward, perhaps?  Was I really just defenseless or did I forget what I want to do.  I want to be healthy, I want to be svelte, I want to have control over what I put in my mouth.

My husband asked me this morning, "What would you like for losing your first 10 lbs.?"   Isn't he amazing?

I told him, "You just gave it to me."

Now some of you who are not compulsive overeaters might think it was just a cookie.   But it wasn't.  It was my mind over matter.  Somehow, I must get inside myself and change the wiring around.  Not going to be easy, but I'm still determined. These ten pounds off feels good and though I have a long way to go, I can see that my bra is not as tight, there's a twinkle in my eye, and a little joy peeping out of my pores.

Once I finish writing this, I'm going to forget about the cookie and get back on the fast train to somewhere.   I AM NOT GOING TO DWELL ON WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY.  I forgive myself and I move on.